Ah, Valentine’s Day.
I think there are two camps of people: those who hear those two words and cringe, and those that smile.
Which are you?
As a kid, I loved Valentine’s Day. I loved transforming a brown paper bag into a colorful mailbox of sorts, and I excitedly watched as Valentines poured in. Soon, there were piles of cards with She-Ra, He-Man, Superman, Batman…all of these superheroes in dramatic poses wishing me a Happy Valentine’s Day, but also ready to save the world. I kind of felt like I could save the world, too! She-Ra was standing proudly with her shimmering sword in the sky, demanding I have a good Valentines. I felt inspired!
But as the years wore on, and people paired up, I felt less like She-Ra. I felt more like Charlie Brown, actually. Relationships started to feel more like the proverbial football being quickly pulled away by Lucy, than anything else. I found my heart growing weary, and my dreams fading.
My wonderful parents must have sensed this in me, and were (and still are) always so sweet to give me a card, and a box of See’s candy. And I loved getting little Valentine’s from my students. And, as I rounded my twenties and entered my thirties, I found more joy in focusing on all of the love around me – with my family, friends, and their children. With my niece and nephew. It made me think of all of the love around me, rather than focus on the absence of romantic love.
And, in 2015, this blog made it’s debut on Valentine’s Day!
Oddly enough, this year, for the first time in 72 years, Valentine’s Day falls on Ash Wednesday. When I heard about this, I couldn’t help but wonder if there is some deeper significance to this. I thought to myself, “this is an interesting contrast between the commercialism of romantic love, and the spiritual dryness of Ash Wednesday. What could the two possibly have in common, you might ask?
Well…turns out, more than you may think!
WHY DO WE CELEBRATE VALENTINE’S DAY?
There are multiple legends of St. Valentine, or Valentinus. Various reliquaries in the Czech Republic, Ireland, Scotland, England, and France all claim to have some of his bones. While there is a lot we don’t know, we do know that he was a Roman priest who was beheaded in the third century.
The most widely accepted legend is the following:
Under the rule of Claudius II Gothicus, Valentinus (or Valentine) was practicing Christianity in a pagan world. Claudius had ordered all Romans to worship state religion’s idols, and he had made it a crime punishable by death to associate with Christians. However, Valentinus was dedicated to following Christ, even if that meant his own death. One day, a jailer for the Emperor of Rome knocked at Valentinus’s door, clutching his blind daughter in his arms. He had learned of Valentinus’s medical and spiritual healing abilities, and implored Valentinus to treat his daughter’s blindness, as she was born with the condition. Valentinus examined the young girl, gave an ointment for her eyes and asked the jailer to bring her back after some time.
The jailer noted that Valentinus was an educated, and inquired if his daughter, Julia, might also be brought to Valentinus for lessons. Valentinus agreed, and read stories of Rome’s history to her. He instructed her in science, math, and preached his Christian faith to her. Julia wondered if God really heard our prayers, and Valentinus assured her that he does. She mentioned that she prayed to God that he would restore her eyesight. Valentinus told her to have faith, trust in God, and accept his will.
As the weeks went on, Julia’s sight had not been healed. However, the jailer continued to bring Julia to his house. One day, Valentinus received a visit from Roman soldiers who arrested him, destroyed his medicines and admonished him for his religious beliefs. When the little girl’s father learned of his arrest and imprisonment, he was unable to have any influence over his being released.
On the eve of his death, Valentinus wrote a last note to Julia – knowing the execution was upon him. Valentinus asked the jailer for a paper, pen and ink. He quickly wrote a farewell note and handed it to the jailer to give to his blind daughter. He urged her to stay close to the Lord, and he signed it “From Your Valentine.” His sentence was carried out the next day, February 14, 270 A.D., near a gate that was later named Porta Valentini in his memory.
When the jailer went home, he was greeted by his little girl. The little girl opened the note and discovered a yellow crocus inside. The message said, “From your Valentine.” As Julia looked down upon the flower, she also noticed that her eyesight had been restored. This is where we get the tradition of asking someone to be our Valentine! Valentinus was buried at what is now the Church of Praxedes in Rome. It is believed that Julia later planted a pink-blossomed almond tree near his grave. Today, the almond tree remains a symbol of love and friendship. In 496 Pope Gelasius I named February 14 as Saint Valentine’s Day.
Other legends are similar to the above, although it is also believed that Valentinus was beheaded as punishment for marrying Christians at a time when Claudius was trying to recruit more single men for the army.
OK…WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT A DEAD GUY? I HAVE NETFLIX TO WATCH
I’m getting there, I promise. So, what is striking about Valentinus, to me, is that he demonstrated a love that pointed others toward heaven. It was what the Greeks referred to as agape love. The reason that this has implication for us in 2018 – is because we have focused so much on this idea of romantic love, a “soul mate”, that we may have strayed a little from the idea of what love really is. Love is selfless. Love is sacrificial. Love means you die to yourself, your wants, your needs for the sake of another. You lay your life down for another, not only in little ways everyday, but also in cases of heroic virtue. Jesus said in John 15:13, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
That is radical love. To be willing to die for your friend, your husband, or your wife. It’s kind of a game changer. Now, I don’t want to downplay that Valentine’s Day has it’s merit as a day to celebrate the love of husband and wife, and certainly taking your beloved to a nice dinner, or planning a loving evening is surely a beautiful expression of love. But, I posit that this year – Valentine’s Day falling on lent will allow us to hone in our understanding of what love really is.
ENTER ASH WEDNESDAY…(AKA PEOPLE WALKING AROUND WITH BLACK SMUDGES ALL DAY AS I TRY NOT TO STARE)
Ash Wednesday is the beginning of the solemn season of Lent, not only in the Catholic church, but also in some Protestant circles. The faithful may enjoy a hearty meal for Shrove Tuesday (or “Fat Tuesday” or Mardi Gras), and the next day, don ashes on their forehead as an outward sign of an inward shift for reflection and repentance. The ashes also force the faithful to think of their own mortality, as our Lord says in Genesis 3:19, Genesis 18:27, Job 30:19, and Ecclesiastes 3:20, that we come from dust, and dust we will return. Catholics are to fast and abstain from meat on Ash Wednesday, as well as on Good Friday. The faithful observe these traditions to follow Christ’s example of sacrifice on the cross.
SO, CAN VALENTINUS TEACH A THING OR TWO THIS ASH WEDNESDAY/VALENTINE’S DAY?
Yes! I think he can. As we begin this season of reflection, sacrifice, and dying to self – maybe we can also apply those same ideals to how we celebrate Valentine’s Day this year. Can we try to love like Valentinus loved? Perhaps, in addition to buying chocolate at the grocery store, you ask your beloved what act of service you can do for them. Husbands and wives, maybe you can commit to providing a loving act of self-sacrifice this Valentine’s Day, weather that’s giving your exhausted spouse the gift of glorious, uninterrupted sleep while you watch the kids, or maybe cooking a favorite meal of your beloved. A surprise day at the spa, a washed car with gas in the tank, or a clean house all show your beloved that you are thinking of them above yourself. It doesn’t take grandiose measures, but little acts of self-denial yield deep, abiding love.
I’m enjoying a book called The Sacred Search, by Gary Thomas. It is truly an amazing book, and helps his readers focus more on finding a “sole mate”, rather than a “soul mate”. You know, someone that will walk the walk – someone who will be by your side through all of the ups and downs of life. Plato’s idea of a “soul mate” are romantic and idealistic, and happen to blend very nicely with ideas of cupid and lacy hearts on Valentine’s Day. But, is it real idea founded on truth? Is there really a soul mate for each of us? Or is the person who ultimately lays down their life for you, in little ways every day, leading you closer to heaven – truly what our souls long for?
For those of you that have found that in a partner or spouse, hold on to your beloved with all of your heart and soul. And, make everyday Valentine’s Day – with the self-sacrificial love that Valentinus modeled for us.
And for those that are still searching – keep in mind the kind of person who lifts your heart and eyes upward. Keep your eyes out for someone who will love God above all else, and lay down his or her life for you. Look for someone who loves sacrificially, wholly, deeply, and without reservation.
That, I do believe, is what true love is all about.
Until then, dear reader. A very Happy Valentine’s Day to you and yours, and I pray for a reflective and blessed Lenten season.
Sheila
